I've moved...

Please visit my new page www.sonjiarose.info for my new blog...

Colleen

Congratulations Eric & Jill

Best wishes from our family to yours, your love for each other shines for all to see. Congratulations!

Sitting here tonight...

...enjoying the fire's warmth. Reminding myself to enjoy the little moments that happen day to day. For instance, my 9 year old son just showed his crazy antics by smelling some dirty socks and falling on the floor, acting as if he has passed out. Just a boys will be boys moment, but something that brought a smile to my face. Even my daughter telling me she has been invited to a gifted program or the way she lights up when she creates something new, brings light into my heart. I remember the moments from when they were small; the cute faces, coos and ahhs they made as babies,the moments as they learned and discovered the world around them, the first days of school and making friends... all of these things are memories that I cherish. Even still, it amazes me that everyday they find some way to bring joy into my heart in some small day. It is these moments that keep me from falling off that precipice that has been looming so closely in my mind. They are my heart, my life, and my joy. Together with my husband, they are my everything.

A Second

Just remembering to take a moment to breathe...

Christmas 2008

Nice picture of my father & his sister, only one missing is our Aunt Caryl who recently passed away.

A New Hope in 2009

I wonder how different things would be if I went back 3 years and changed my decisions. How different would my life be? I know that my stress levels would most likely be much lower, or at least I would be stressing about somethings completely different. I am on the precipice of change, and I can feel it. A new hope in 2009 is not my wish for political change... no I was not on that bandwagon. The presidential race was a well orchestrated marketing ad... and guess who one the taste test. The better laid out marketing campaign. If you believe anything but that, then well, I have talk to you about some really great investment opportunities. No, a new hope in 2009 is a personal hope for change. The last two years I have felt the burden growing on me at work, and I believe things are about to take a turn... either for the better or the worse. A friend of our family asked me the other day, "Well, what do you want to do with your life?" The best answer I can still come up with is ... I don't know. I am a 31 year old, mother of 2 - who would enjoy being able to be at home more than anything else... but knows that alone would make me go nutty and need to find something else to do. Sure, that is easy to say, but what is that something - the one thing that would make me want to get out of the bed in the morning and say, "I can't wait to...", and the sad truth is that I really and truly have no clue. There are so many things out there that I enjoy - but would I want to do them on a daily or at least semi-daily basis? I am adrift right now in my mind, and the constant worrying at work, the constant nagging feeling that I have somehow let myself and family down; is gnawing at me. I am stuck in a dead end job --- I will never be more than the office manger here. I will never be anything more than a paper pushing hourly wage employee, and the knowledge of that is slowly killing me. I am usually happiest in the weekday hours from 5:30pm - 11pm and on the weekends of course - but here lately, even those hours are overshadowed by the sheer dread of having to come back and do it all again the next day. So after all this ranting and rambling... I guess it just comes down to the simple fact is that a new hope in 2009 is simply put, that I will figure out where I am going and what I want to do there.

And I am here because....

Ok ... I hate my job. There I said it ... it out there ...

I used to enjoy it ...

I used to enjoy working at the school system too...

But lately my heart is just tearing at me daily, I hate being away from my family every day for 8 plus hours ...


I want to be able to have the sink not full of dishes. I want the stairs to not be covered in dirt. I want to clean the garage again. I want to organized Richard's office and make it workable. I want to actually have time to fold the laundry. When the kids get home ... I want to be able to help them with their homework. I want to actually have supper done BEFORE tae kwon do, boy scouts or girl scouts.


Is that cheesy of me ... that I would be completely content being a stay at home mom??


I enjoy adult interaction, but these days, I find myself wanting to be there for my family. I enjoy responsibilty, but these days just feel burdened.


But, necessity reigns supreme and here I am day after day ... listening to techno/rave music pump out of the screen printing shop in the back. Staring at the computer and paperwork constantly ... so much so that when I get home ... I don't even want to touch my computer. I don't want to look at it ... ugh ... more keys typing on --- click, click, click ...

The dream of "someday" being able to do that simply depresses me.... because I realize that if and when I can afford that luxury... my kids will be most likely in thier late teens and will have lives to busy to interact with mom in the way they want now...